Protecting the Heart of my Children

Jesus - My Only Hope

It is here again, May 28.  On this day, I tend to stay busy but quiet at the same time.  It doesn’t take much for the tears to begin to fall today.   

My Daddy was a good man.  He loved his kids.  He loved his wife.  He had a good heart.  There were countless days of playing baseball in the backyard; countless hours spent playing basketball with neighborhood kids; and countless mornings watching him read the sports page while drinking coffee with our neighbor, Don.  Good, sweet memories that are overshadowed by his awful addiction of alcoholism that kept him and our family in a terrible, cruel, suffocating bondage.   I vehemently abhor all forms of alcohol and addictions and the bondage they create.

Through the pain, the tears, the arguments, the rejection, and the dysfunction, we were always able to cling to that hope that one day he would be free from the prison in which he lived. When I was five years old, we got a glimpse of that hope.  What a blessing that God has allowed me to remember this one thing from my childhood.  A sweet precious neighbor invited our family to church.  During that time, my Daddy accepted Christ as his Savior. My Daddy discovered the hope that we all long for in Jesus.  He understood that Jesus died on the cross because of our sins.  For two wonderful years, our temporarily functional family went to church every time the doors were opened.  Then came the day when my Daddy was mocked and teased by a family member who called him a boy because he could not handle his alcohol.  My Daddy set out to prove this person wrong and placed our family back in bondage. 

Thirteen years ago today, my Daddy was finally released from his prison and bondage for all of eternity.  It wasn’t quite the way I wanted to see him finally free.   I wish he could be here to see his other six grandchildren born.  He only met the first three.  I wish he could see Rebekah driving her little yellow bug to college.  I wish he could see my beautiful Rachel dance across the stage. I wish he could be here to laugh at our resident comedian and future ballerina, Rosemary. I wish he could play baseball in the backyard with Robert & Grayson.  I wish he could see Lance, his first grandson, growing up and entering his teenage years.  I wish he could be here to see Kinzey cheer at her first football game.  I wish he could be here so sweet Kylie could set him straight. I wish he could have sat by Lawson last week at the wrestling match and seen himself in Lawson.  I wish he could have overcome his weakness and loved my Mom the way she deserved to be loved. I wish he could see Kevin and be so proud of the man his son has become.  I wish he could see his baby girl Jeana and take care of her for a little while.  I wish I could hear him say, “Love you, Babe”.  Those things will not happen today, but one day they will.  I know that and I believe that because my hope is in Jesus Christ.

When he passed away, some people tried to politely crush my hope that I would one day see him again in Heaven.   No one can take away that hope I have in Jesus Christ. What they didn’t understand is that my Daddy was a sinner, just like all of us.  My Daddy couldn’t work his way to Heaven.  No one can be good enough to get to Heaven, because we are all sinners.  My sins, my Daddy’s sins, and your sins were paid for with the sweet precious blood of Jesus Christ.  My Daddy understood that and trusted that Jesus paid the price for his sins on that terrible cruel cross. I will see my Daddy again in Heaven and I know that because of the hope I have in Jesus Christ. That sweet precious hope is the greatest comfort in the world. The beauty of that hope is that it is there for anyone who admits they too are sinners, believes Jesus died for their sins, and seeks forgiveness from God.

Jesus….my only hope.